Jhonen Vasquez


Cards Close to the Chest
2016-08-13 @ 5:11 a.m.

Nny hasn't told many people about his paramour. One driver at work because he couldn't contain his excitement. One production guy at work to show him that he was not interested in the production girl who showed every sign of having a crush on him. "I don't need that. Even if she wasn't jailbait, this is my baby."

Then tonight he had told Sarah and her husband. The husband was nonplussed by the particulars their situation, but Sarah had told him he was thinking with the wrong head. That he shouldn't put any feelings into this. That she was being dumb/lacking common sense if this is the third or fourth time she's found a bra that wasn't hers. That either he or the woman/women he's been cheating with want her to find the bras and find out [Nny has wondered if it's not the mother-in-law planting them.] And that she must lack some serious self-esteem, so unless Nny wants to spend all of their time together reassuring her that he loves her and that he's not cheating on her, then he should avoid the situation. She went on to say that he always does this, tries to be a white knight, to fix people, and that he deserves better.

The advice is noted, but Nny isn't convinced. Of course her self-esteem may be shaken. That is to be expected after all of these years of him holding her indiscretion over her head, while hypocritically going behind her back to cheat. Of buying her love with trinkets and excursions instead of giving her the love and intimacy she desires.

She's going to basic training, where she's going to get a crash course in self-esteem, teamwork, and so much more. Not only that, she knows she has Nny waiting for her afterwards, as well as supporting her every step of the way.

As far as being a white knight and/or trying to fix people, Nny had given that up quite awhile ago. Although his ex whom he had dated for five years did join the Army Reserves, which led to her going to college and following her dreams to become a nurse. So, even though he didn't actively try to fix her, just being in his presence did lead her to bettering herself, even if he didn't do the same during that timeframe.

And, as far as finding someone better, he told Sarah that if he could find someone better, he would have. Not that he can think of anyone better. Consider it the ontological argument, that if we can conceive of something greater than our image of god, then that new thing must, in turn be god because our limited human minds cannot perceive something truly as vast and incomprehensible as god. Well, the same holds true here, except Nny cannot fathom anyone who could make him feel the way he does about her. She is everything Nny's ever dreamed of, whether he knew it at the time or not. Sure, he may be thinking with the wrong head, as they want to do such wonderfully naughty things together, but he's only been able to give her his all in that way because he's been thinking with his heart. She lights up his life. Everything lately has been at a standstill, but she's the nudge he's needed to get the ball rolling.

Speaking of which, once this entry is completed, it's time to try to make some headway on organizing this apartment. This weekend's session of d6 Fantasy has been cancelled, so he doesn't have to worry about heading to bed immediately, and work isn't until 5pm.

Oh, and Nny did go Ubering tonight after he had stopped by Sarah's for their mutual head-shaving, or, as she had put it, "I need shorn."

His Uber trips consisted of one short trip around the corner from Highland Square. A short trip from near there to off Frank. The previous guy needing another trip, this time to his original intended destination off Frank. A trip from Highland Square to the Falls. And, having forgotten to turn the app off when he got home, he had a request for White Pond (off Frank), which turned out to be at the apartments on restaurant hill in Montrose, back to White Pond. They hadn't updated their location when they requested a ride so it still had them at the girl's apartment. After dropping her off, then Nny went offline.

What to Write?
2016-08-12 @ 2:25 a.m.

Nny doesn't know quite what to write tonight, but he knows he should write something.

Several ideas have been floating in his head during these last few lazy days. Reflecting on the reasons for everything without wanting to question them too deeply. Common themes of the women who have been involved, whether that be their age, the length of their relationships (five year as opposed to seven year itches, for example), the ages of their children...What is it that leads them to him, and is there a common theme that leads him to them?

In prior cases, it was nostalgia. Someone with his shared school experience, some common ground. Someone he may have fantasized about. Not that he didn't fantasize about her. Oh, did he ever.

In this case, instead of nostalgia, he says kismet, and he means it. There was definitely a connection when they first met, and it's only gotten stronger with every passing day and each new conversation. We're at three days and a wake-up until she ships out. The silence will be killer.

She had talked yesterday about how she's heard tech school tends to be full of people going to the strip clubs and wasting so much money on the weekends. He told her that's generally the case. Most new members of the military are straight out of high school, they have free room and board, and no bills, aside from maybe their cellphones. So, yeah, they waste a lot of it. He didn't waste it on the clubs, but he did waste it nonetheless.

Speaking of which, he's trying to figure out how to recoup at least some of that wasted money when it comes to downsizing and organizing. He wants to see at least some return on his investment. He realizes so much will be headed back to the thrift shop or off to a landfill. He has so much collected crafting materials that he knows someone could make use of, but getting it to them could be cost prohibitive.

But back to her. While everyone else is off at the clubs, she says she'll likely be in her room talking to him or her family, or at the gym. It warmed his heart to hear it. Plans do change, though. She may end up getting drug along on the weekends to look out for her battle buddies or to avoid going stir crazy. It happens.

He's advised her to play nice on the home front until after she gets home and then until after the holidays. Don't want the guy to be mister grumpy pants for the holidays. Break the news and file for a divorce in January or February with the support of JAG. Hopefully things don't come to a head before then. Don't want to upset the children more than necessary, but, at the same time, what has been done has been done. If he's been cheating on her before she ships out, he'll continue to do so while she's gone. And he still holds her indiscretion against her from the first two weeks they were dating, five years ago, so much so that he has all of her passwords. And yet she has none of his. Double standard much? Psychological abuse? For sure.

Anyways, it pains Nny that she's going through all this. He hopes he can help to make things better for her. She lights up his life, and the feeling seems to be mutual. What more could they ask for.

last entry oR next entry

last five entries:
Cards Close to the Chest - 2016-08-13
What to Write? - 2016-08-12
"Down the Path We Have Chosen" - 2016-08-06
"Down the Path We Have Chosen" - 2016-08-06
Sidetracked - 2015-04-16


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